Lee-Fam-Lee

Perspective

2012-01-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

Everything is relative. I remember when Meadow was born. She had multiple heart defects that resulted in open heart surgery at 13 days old. The valves on her heart were backwards (called TGA, or Transposition of the Great Arteries), as well as both on the right side, rather than one on each side (DORV, or Double Outlet Right Ventricle). She had a giant hole that encompassed all four chambers (VSD and ASD, Ventricle Septal Defect and Atrial Septal Defect). Her aorta was also pinched so blood flow was limited to her lower extremities (Coarctation of the Aorta). It was touch and go for the first 4 weeks after that, which she spent in the PICU at the Stollery Children's Hospital. The surgery was thought to have gone especially well, so instead of leaving her ribs cracked open the surgeon decided to wired them closed. They missed a pinhole leak, which filled her chest cavity with blood and put too much pressure on her heart. Her heart stopped and had to be manually revived. She had to go on the ECMO machine, which is a heart and lung machine. Her kidneys quit, so she retained so much water, her 6 lb body held an extra 1.5 L of fluid, making her so swollen her skin was shiny and her eyes bulged. While she was still there, I was reading an article in the Reader's Digest about a family whose child was also born with a heart defect. Something small, like just a hole in the heart or something like that. The baby had surgery, recovered and was home shortly after. I, for some reason, was angry about it. I thought, "You think THAT was hard? You don't know HARD!!!" But then I realized that, yes, they did. Just because what Meadow went through was harder, doesn't mean that what they went through wasn't hard for them. I've had people say to me that after going through that I could probably go through anything. Not so. Adam fell and hit his eye on the bed when he was 2 and had to get stitches. It was horrible. He sat in emergency for 5 hours with blood oozing, and I was a wreck! It was so much less serious than Meadow's situation, but it didn't make it less terrible for us that Adam was hurt! And there was a baby in the hospital that celebrated his 1st birthday there. Having NEVER been home. Meadow was home in 3 months. Other babies were born with only half a heart, so they would have to go through a series of 3 operations over a number of years. Some babies died. That is certainly worse than what we had to endure, but knowing that didn't make what we did easy. I had 2 kids aged 3 and 18mths at home still, so it was so hard to not be able to be with Meadow all the time. I could only visit her once a day for about an hour or so. There were other parents who were from the other side of the country and had to choose which of their kids they could be with. The option to see both in one day was not there! But it was still hard for me, even if it was harder for them. And other parents had only the one child, so they could be with them all the time. But they didn't have the distractions of other kids to keep their mind on other things at least some of the time. I learned a good lesson. Too often we think others don't understand adversity because they haven't had any trials. Everyone has had some or another, but just because yours might be "bigger" doesn't make theirs any easier for them. But, at the same time, it is good to remember sometimes that "It could be worse". That perspective CAN help us from the initial reaction of how hard something is when we go through it and be thankful it is what it is. On Sunday we watched the movie 17 Miracles, about the Martin and Willie Handcart companies, the mormon settlers that came across the country too late in the season and were caught in terrible conditions. Some mornings 12 or more people died and had to be buried in shallow graves because the ground was too frozen to dig. Just that morning we had been complaining about having to go to church at 9 am and have to go out in the cold to get there. I think I need to suck it up and realize what other people went through for their beliefs. Going out to my garage to my heated van at 9 am is not so bad. Even if it is cold for that 50 meters from the van to the church door. It's a wonder what the mind does sometimes. What it forgets. What it focuses on. I really need to keep that perspective open better. Not judge others for having a hard time with something that "isn't hard" because it could be worse, and at the same time not feeling sorry for myself, because it could be worse.

Children: The Great Equalizer

2011-09-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

We took the kids to Galaxyland at West Edmonton Mall yesterday to celebrate Owen's 3rd birthday. His actual birthday isn't until Friday, but kids under 3 are free, so we wanted to go before he'd cost us $25. Anyway, we had so much fun! Last time we went, Daniel got a wristband for himself so he could go on the rides that some of the little kids were to small to go on alone, so this time he convinced me to get one instead. I regretted it after the first ride, the Cosmic Spinner, because I got sick. I had to concentrate on one screw in the floor so I could survive the rest of the ride. Next we went on the Swing of the Century. I anticipated the freedom of flying weightless through the sky. I very quickly got sick from the spin of the room, and had to concentrate on my shoelace and squint my eyes to quell to spinning of my stomach. Meadow's absolute favourite ride is the Swinging Boat (I can't remember it's clever name). She is one inch too short to go on by herself, so I had to go with her. I figured there was no way I'd get sick on something that just goes back and forth, and the last time I'd been on the boat I was way smaller, so it probably wasn't as scary as I remembered it, either. Meadow took me to the very end of the boat, which is her favourite place to ride. On the first swing, I realized I'd made a mistake. BARFY! And each consecutive swing after got worse and worse. I felt my stomach drop out at the peak of each swing and I was certain I was going to puke. I stared at the wall and willed the contents of my stomach to stay where they were. When the ride was over, I walked shakily to a bench to sit with my head between my knees. Amber and Meadow were begging to go again, and I told them there was no way. I felt so bad that she couldn't go on it without me. Since I was not about to go on the boat again and it was Meadow's favourite, I asked another mom, who was standing in line with her own small daughter, if she would mind sitting next to Meadow on the ride. She said she'd be happy to, and I watched all three raise their arms and scream with joy. After that, I went on the Blue and Yellow Roller coaster (once again, the actual name escapes me). It's a roller coaster that has individual cars that seat 4 people. The cars spin as they go down the track. Amber screamed the entire time and looked as if her eyes would pop out. Josh told her if she got scared she could hold his hand. (Who are you, again?) I was worried about getting sick again, but the cars actually spun in a natural way, so it wasn't nauseating. It was scary, but not sickening until the end when the car spun to slow it down so we could get off. I actually went on it twice. I screamed and laughed the whole time, enough that Josh said "If anyone asks, I don't know you." So that was good. There was the Josh I know and love. I had fun on the Merry-Go-Round, where I was brave enough to actually sit on a horse, and hoped every time that there would be a pretty one with jeweled flowers that I could ride on. That ride was definitely my speed. I did worry about the rides that had a maximum weight limit that was within 5 lbs of my actual weight (naked, so likely my actual weight clothed). I went on one of them without realizing it had a restriction, and the harness was certainly snug. The others I just avoided. I had a great time driving into my kids in the bumper cars, and was embarrassed to note that they drove them better than I did. (The gas pedal was on the wrong side and there was no reverse! To go backwards or forwards depends on the way your steering wheel is turned!) It was a great time had by all, but I don't think the rides were my favourite part. My favourite was, while I was flying in the air concentrating on my shoelace, I spied my husband and too little ones below. Daniel was crouched down on his haunches, his face next to Owen's, pointing with Owen's hand up to me. When Owen saw me, he got very excited and waved and called "Hi, Mom! You're up high on the swing?" Later, while on the Merry-Go-Round, the train came out of the tunnel, and on the back I saw Daniel, sitting with Adam and Owen. Amber, Meadow and I called and tried to get their attention. Amber went on the Dragon Wagon with Adam and Owen. The Dragon Wagon is the smallest roller coaster there, on just an oval track with a few up and down hills here and there. Amber held on for dear life, while Adam laughed and had a great time, and Owen sat expressionless. Afterwards Owen said, "That was fun! I'm big enough now!" I loved how he got in line over and and over again for the airplanes and the cars, and how every time he'd steer right to the sign, like a magnet, to stand next to the height chart to see if he was big enough. Then I watched the other people. A dad stopped the attendant before a ride started to get his child on, then kept it stopped when his son didn't want to sit by the kid where there was an available spot, so a bunch of kids had to move around to make room where he wanted to sit. On the Cosmic Bounce, which is Adam and Amber's favourite ride, I watched 3 different parents holding up their cell phones, taking video of their kids on the ride. As the seats bounced up and down, their cameras followed the motion, simultaneously going up and down with it. One was a lady with jet black hair, thick makeup, and a nose stud. Another was a dad with tattoos up and down his arms and a spike coming out of his lip. The other was an older lady, probably actually the grandma not the mother, with short curly hair and glasses. And there they all stood together, cell phones bobbing in symmetry. Adam got scared in the 3D Turboride theater and they had to stop it so we could leave. I felt bad, but later when they had to stop the boat so a little boy could get off, I realized that it was nice that the mom did what she needed to keep her son safe. Later, standing at the train crossing, Daniel was on the train with the boys again. I think they rode it a good 5 times. This time they saw me and I waved and called out their names and asked, "Are you having fun?" As I stood waving at the train, the lady next to me stood in her Indian robes, waving to a little boy wearing a turban that wrapped around the bun on top of his head. Another Indian woman, this one in jeans and a blouse, stood with a camera, trying to take a picture of her son and husband going by on the train. The little boy couldn't see her. The dad kept trying to turn the boys head and point, the mom called and waved to get his attention, and we all laughed when he never did look her way. A Chinese couple each had a hand of their baby daughter, who had obviously just learned to walk and wanted to teeter down the ramp on her own. They let her, and both laughed as the dad scooped her up when she lost her balance. Here we were, all of us so different, and yet all the same. I absolutely loved it. We were all parents who love our kids.

Did my Mom know what she was doing?

2011-08-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

I was in the grocery store the other day, cart overflowing, picking through the nectarines so I could have something healthy for my family, when the thought ran through my mind, "What am I doing?" What am I thinking running a household? I don't know how to be a mom! I go to the store and buy a bunch of food to feed these kids that depend on me to nourish them. I teach them how to say prayers, tell them that it's not an option whether or not they go to church on Sunday. I put them in time-out if they hit their brother. But what the heck am I doing? I do it wrong all the time! I say things I don't mean. I take out my bad mood by snapping at the kids. I do the chores myself rather than dealing with the back talk. When my kids are sick, I don't know what to do! I give them some medicine and hope it will work. I worry all the time that I'll say something that they'll take wrong and scar them for the rest of their lives. I stay home rather than take them to the park. I spoil them with toys and electronics and treats. I just hope that in the end they'll turn out to be half decent human beings, but if they do I feel like it'll be in spite of me rather than because of me. I have no idea how to do this. I am flying by the seat of my pants. But I pretend I do, because my mom obviously knew what she was doing. Or did she?

Keeping up with the Jones's

2011-08-02T13:56:00.000-07:00

I've never been good with keeping up with fads. Actually, I'd say I more do the opposite. I avoided Doc Martin shoes for a very long time. I finally realized I liked them after they weren't really in style anymore and could only be bought at the second hand store. I waited until the 5th book of Harry Potter before I picked it up the series. The same for Twilight. I often don't see movies until they are no longer new releases. Thus it is that it has taken me this long to try the blogging thing. I usually hate just following the crowd, but in other cases it was just myself that it hurt, and I do like pretending that people realize I am alive and care about what I have to say. I also like typing and rambling. So there you go, I'm made for blogging. But this could very well be my one and only entry.